Interlude

In Interlude, Julie

  I have spent an inordinate amount of time these past six months in my living room chair. Processing endless information about cancer and what it means to have it and be treated for it, feeling anxious over the changes coming my way, chatting, texting, laughing, crying with family and friends, sitting alone in silence and solitude. I've kept watch as summer ended, fall descended, and the darkness of winter took over my corner, with finally daylight now back on the rise. I've spent sleepless nights sitting here, reading or streaming mindlessly for hours, built this blog here, as I'm typing away on it right now, and have hoped, prayed, and cursed more than a few times from this perch. I've grown impatient over the snail's pace of time, have grappled with the many side effects of chemotherapy, and transformed from the blonde with bangs I've been my whole life, to this bald headed being. Me and my chair. Most solid thing I've got in my world most days. I've

  Ten chemotherapy treatments behind me...only two more to go. This whole deal has gotten truly gnarly. Despite doing a ton of new things to try to counteract its effects ~ acupuncture, Chinese herbs and detox, green smoothies, qigong, much healthier eating, no alcohol or caffeine, way less sugar, daily rest, staying home to reduce exposures ~ it's feeling like chemo rules all. Nothing is as big as it is. It's just looming over me and sapping all my energy. Life feels very closed in. I thank God above for the warm spell we've been having, and I've been getting outside every single day, but the days are dragging and the world feels like it's at a standstill. I feel sad because I’m missing an important event for Danny this weekend, so that’s bumming me out too. But I just need to hang on for two more weeks. Trying not to project too far ahead, especially since I need to start radiation and continue infusions after chemo is over, but so looking forward to when I can go