When a Picture is Worth 1000 Words

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In Interlude,

Julie

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Six Months in a Chair

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  I have spent an inordinate amount of time these past six months in my living room chair. Processing endless information about cancer and what it means to have it and be treated for it, feeling anxious over the changes coming my way, chatting, texting, laughing, crying with family and friends, sitting alone in silence and solitude. I've kept watch as summer ended, fall descended, and the darkness of winter took over my corner, with finally daylight now back on the rise. I've spent sleepless nights sitting here, reading or streaming mindlessly for hours, built this blog here, as I'm typing away on it right now, and have hoped, prayed, and cursed more than a few times from this perch. I've grown impatient over the snail's pace of time, have grappled with the many side effects of chemotherapy, and transformed from the blonde with bangs I've been my whole life, to this bald headed being. Me and my chair. Most solid thing I've got in my world most days. I've...
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  Ten chemotherapy treatments behind me...only two more to go. This whole deal has gotten truly gnarly. Despite doing a ton of new things to try to counteract its effects ~ acupuncture, Chinese herbs and detox, green smoothies, qigong, much healthier eating, no alcohol or caffeine, way less sugar, daily rest, staying home to reduce exposures ~ it's feeling like chemo rules all. Nothing is as big as it is. It's just looming over me and sapping all my energy. Life feels very closed in. I thank God above for the warm spell we've been having, and I've been getting outside every single day, but the days are dragging and the world feels like it's at a standstill. I feel sad because I’m missing an important event for Danny this weekend, so that’s bumming me out too. But I just need to hang on for two more weeks. Trying not to project too far ahead, especially since I need to start radiation and continue infusions after chemo is over, but so looking forward to when I can go...
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I've been learning the hard way that it takes awhile for your body to realize you're done with chemotherapy. Still dealing with feeling fatigued and very sluggish, especially since extreme edema has set in. Spent the first week post chemo going into Methodist almost every day for tests to make sure I didn't have blood clots or heart failure, all clear, and am now on a diuretic that really isn't doing the trick. My rash is still inflamed and my neuropathy is as bad as ever. Frustrating, when I thought I'd be feeling so much better by now, but as both Dr. Moore and my wonderful acupuncturist Matt have explained to me, chemo is cumulative and my immune system has been suppressed for 13 weeks. Plus I only have the one kidney. It takes time for everything to recalibrate and recover.  Happy to say there have been bright spots aplenty. Brad is here for a visit and it's great to have his support close at hand. I had an amazing birthday with so much love and attention fr...
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