Interlude

Interested in what the medical side of a cancer journey is like?  Mine started with a routine mammogram this summer, which disclosed a suspicious area that had to be biopsied. On August 11th, I was diagnosed with noninvasive stage 0 DCiS, a very common diagnosis, and opted for the lightest course of action recommended to me, which was a lumpectomy followed by radiation. I was assigned a cancer navigator, who helps me coordinate all my care. Unfortunately and very surprisingly for me and my medical team, the surgical pathology results from my lumpectomy came back with a serious and rare form of invasive cancer: HER2+ ER+ PR+ Grade 3 micropapillary invasive carcinoma. Suddenly, everyone's demeanor became very serious. I then had an MRI and a second surgery to remove my sentinel lymph nodes, which thankfully came back clear. My tumor was small, 6 mm, and caught very early, so I’m at stage 1A, which is very curable. But my oncologist told me it's possible that it may have spread un...

What does love look like?  Here's how I see it: My lifelong bestie picking me up at 7:23 am (even though she is easily able to sleep in past 10:00) to spend 300 minutes keeping me laughing and totally distracted during my first round of chemo. And insisting on cutting off her hair with me this weekend! Here's how I see it: Members of my devoted boob crew showering me with attention, including poignant prayers and an amazing talisman visit connecting me with my late parents. RMS peeps showing up in PINK on day one of my chemo, even though it definitely isn't everyone's personal favorite! ;) Here's how I see it: My 25 yearlong bestie wrapping up Russ & me in her family holiday traditions for one of our most wonderful Thanksgivings ever. And always encouraging me with her zesty spirit and conviction that we can do hard things ! Here's how I see it: The light of my life fulfilling yet another tongue in cheek "make a wish" with fabulously classy coc...

Never realized what an exercise in patience cancer would turn out to be. From the very start, it's been one continuous series of waiting waiting waiting waiting. It was early evening on Friday, August 11th, when I first saw my diagnosis pop up on my chart online. I didn't understand everything my biopsy results said, but I knew "malignant carcinoma" was not what I wanted to see, and it was an excruciatingly long weekend before I finally heard from my brand new cancer navigator on Monday afternoon. But that really just set the stage for what was to come, as here it is November now, and I'm still always finding myself in waiting. Waiting to schedule procedures and surgeries, waiting for results to come in, waiting to hear about treatment plans, waiting to heal from the latest assault to my body, waiting for the okay to return to the pool, waiting to have pressing questions answered, just endlessly waiting for one thing after the next, I guess it just goes to show my...

Indeed, even cancer has its perks! I find myself filled with gratitude for the way family and friends are rallying around me. It's incredibly humbling, reassuring, and sometimes just plain fun! Here are some of the highlights so far that I will FOREVER treasure: My family closing ranks around me Make-a-wish dreams coming true 😆 My very own boob crew!! "Love you" messages filling up my phone The unstoppable flanking maneuvers of these 2 FIERCE warriors!! Knodel winter survival rescue team! The kindness of strangers In sickness and in health ALL the colorful language 😉 AND SO MUCH PINK!!! 💞💞 Never could have imagined being sustained and sheltered so deeply in a million years.  Please know, everyone stepping up for me now, I will return it to you in multitudes if life takes a turn and you ever find yourself in need.  "I've troubled for you, from time to time. That's why nothing new, can break the bind. It's the time you waste for them, that makes a frie...

When I was first diagnosed, almost anything and everything was making me weepy. Lately, I've been finding myself feeling a little more even keeled, more able to think about things and even talk about them without my eyes welling up. Still, there are a couple touchstones that bring about instant tears, one being the possibility of my big brother losing all 3 of his sisters. That feels cursed, though on the flip side, it does help me to stiffen my resolve to do what I need to do to stick around. On the other hand, when I think about losing my hair, sometimes I almost feel like I'd rather die than go bald. I’ve just always had my identity tied to my hair. I really can’t stand the thought of losing it. Yes, I know it’ll grow back. Yes, I know it’s only hair. Yes, I know I need to channel my brave explorer girl from my last post, yes, yes, yes, I know all that. BUT, there's this intense fear, this deep well of vulnerability, this sense of losing what makes me me, that keeps my ...

If I ever waver once chemo hits, someone please remind me to just follow in the footsteps of this brave explorer! Love her so much! :) https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwW2i7ZsS38/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== In interlude & exploration, Julie

After being blindsided more than once since August, finally got some good news today! My lymph nodes were found to be negative, no spread of cancer. This was a huge relief as I've heard that my type of cancer has a 75%+ chance of having metastasized by the time of diagnosis. Thankful for early detection with a routine mammogram, and girl friends, please stay timely with yours too! Also, very excited to begin my first new job since 1999 tomorrow, with a part time gig as a Gallery Assistant at the Walker Art Center. Here's my nephew Wes and I visiting the Walker back in happier days, though, actually, I will say, our smiles aren't feeling all that anachronistic tonight. Thank you, Lord above! In Interlude, Julie