Port & Patience

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Never realized what an exercise in patience cancer would turn out to be. From the very start, it's been one continuous series of waiting waiting waiting waiting. It was early evening on Friday, August 11th, when I first saw my diagnosis pop up on my chart online. I didn't understand everything my biopsy results said, but I knew "malignant carcinoma" was not what I wanted to see, and it was an excruciatingly long weekend before I finally heard from my brand new cancer navigator on Monday afternoon. But that really just set the stage for what was to come, as here it is November now, and I'm still always finding myself in waiting. Waiting to schedule procedures and surgeries, waiting for results to come in, waiting to hear about treatment plans, waiting to heal from the latest assault to my body, waiting for the okay to return to the pool, waiting to have pressing questions answered, just endlessly waiting for one thing after the next, I guess it just goes to show my mantra interlude has certainly turned out to be a fitting one. 


Yesterday was one of the days I had been dreading, as I had a port placed in my chest that I will have in me for the next year. Something about the port triggers my anxiety, probably because I associate it with my sister Linda, who was so sick for so long and suffered so much. I've always been the young & healthy one, not the sick one. I found myself in tears as I was sitting alone waiting. I was embarrassed when the nurse came in to prep me, but she was so very kind. She gave me tissues and pulled up her chair and sat with me for a minute. Although I don't remember exactly what she said, it was full of warmth. She changed my memory of getting this dreaded port from one of anxiety and isolation to one of kindness and support. I don't even know her name, but I will not forget her patience.


Assuming all is well with my echocardiogram tomorrow, I will start chemotherapy on November 29th, which feels like another long wait right now. My hope is to have it finished by my birthday, and if this schedule holds, I'll be done 9 days before then, on Valentine's Day. Dearest Cupid, please give me a little love and help my wish to come true! 💘💘💘



In Interlude,

Julie

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