Slogging through January

-

 January is starting to feel like such a slog, but that's not unusual even under the best conditions. Although I've loved the mildness of this winter, the lack of sunshine is definitely getting to me. It was wonderful to see blue skies yesterday, and I got out for an extra long walk in the crispy sunshine. My stamina is pretty good for flat walking, but even one flight of stairs can leave me feeling breathless. Chemo comes with an array of so many odd side effects: skin rashes, tingly toes, a metallic taste in my mouth that makes it feel like it's bleeding, fuzzy brain cells, iffy stomach, dehydration, an odd mix of fatigue and insomnia (though acupuncture helps a lot), and of course, being bald. I hate being without hair as much as I feared I would. Even with everything else going on, it's definitely my number one chief complaint. I still have my eyelashes though, thinning but not gone. I really hope I hang on to them! 🙏

Through the slog, I'm trying to be "good" and remain mindful of the positives. My oncologist, whom I see every week, says I'm doing very well, and I really trust her. My labs are holding steady and she considers all of my symptoms to be normal and manageable under the circumstances. I'm not in any pain and I'm able to work my two shifts at the Walker regularly. I wouldn't want to work more than my measly little 8 hours a week, but I'm glad they get me out of the house and out of my head. My head can be a dangerous place within the January slog. Again, not unusual even under the best conditions, but way more so now with all this down time, as I'm staying mostly close to home to prevent catching any kind of infection. Thankfully I've passed the halfway mark with my chemo rounds, seven down and five to go, so I just keep reminding myself I'm making progress and just need to hang on and push through this. I've just got to keep my bald head down and keep moving onward, upward, and forward.... cancer, and slog, be damned!




In Interlude,

Julie

 

Popular posts from this blog

Yet Another Loaded Medical Term

-
Image
Well, I definitely didn't have facing down another terrifying diagnosis on my new year's resolutions, but here we are still in January, and I guess that's what I've already done. Thankfully, this one is quicker to kick! 🙏  I was unusually run down after my 8th chemo session last week, didn't make it into work last Sunday and didn't feel like I was bouncing back Monday & Tuesday like I usually do. I just attributed it to a rough chemo week, but then I woke up Wednesday morning with the symptoms of a head cold. Dr. Moore ran my labs and it was obvious I was fighting off an infection. She called off chemo, suspected I had covid (which I've never yet had) and told me that if I did, chemo would have to wait 21 days before resuming. I went home despondent and anxiously awaited my covid results. While the afternoon passed by, I started to notice I was feeling worse and worse. I went to lay down on my bed and really felt like there was no way I could get back u
Read more

Six Months in a Chair

-
Image
  I have spent an inordinate amount of time these past six months in my living room chair. Processing endless information about cancer and what it means to have it and be treated for it, feeling anxious over the changes coming my way, chatting, texting, laughing, crying with family and friends, sitting alone in silence and solitude. I've kept watch as summer ended, fall descended, and the darkness of winter took over my corner, with finally daylight now back on the rise. I've spent sleepless nights sitting here, reading or streaming mindlessly for hours, built this blog here, as I'm typing away on it right now, and have hoped, prayed, and cursed more than a few times from this perch. I've grown impatient over the snail's pace of time, have grappled with the many side effects of chemotherapy, and transformed from the blonde with bangs I've been my whole life, to this bald headed being. Me and my chair. Most solid thing I've got in my world most days. I've
Read more

Acceptance

-
Image
  Well, it's gone....thank God above for Julie, who went with me to get my head shaved on very short notice yesterday. I felt her power radiating through me the whole time, and even though I was a cry baby about it, she got me through doing what had to be done. In a way I'm glad that step is behind me. I am definitely learning again and again that dreading something is worse than just doing it. Thank you, Jules, for sticking with me through thick, thin, and even bald!! Couldn't do these hard things without you by my side!!  Snapped this pic during my fourth round of chemo today....when I looked at it, I was surprised to see perhaps hope, maybe even acceptance, in my mien. I'm trying hard, I'm trying to live in acceptance, mindful that I'm just another living being making my way in this world, come what may. I'll leave it to Robert Frost to capture my  struggles, and my hopes, today. In Interlude, Julie
Read more