Yet Another Loaded Medical Term
Well, I definitely didn't have facing down another terrifying diagnosis on my new year's resolutions, but here we are still in January, and I guess that's what I've already done. Thankfully, this one is quicker to kick! 🙏
I was unusually run down after my 8th chemo session last week, didn't make it into work last Sunday and didn't feel like I was bouncing back Monday & Tuesday like I usually do. I just attributed it to a rough chemo week, but then I woke up Wednesday morning with the symptoms of a head cold. Dr. Moore ran my labs and it was obvious I was fighting off an infection. She called off chemo, suspected I had covid (which I've never yet had) and told me that if I did, chemo would have to wait 21 days before resuming. I went home despondent and anxiously awaited my covid results. While the afternoon passed by, I started to notice I was feeling worse and worse. I went to lay down on my bed and really felt like there was no way I could get back up, but there was a little voice inside my head telling me something was not right, and that I HAD to get up. It took EVERYTHING I had to get back up, check my temp (102.8) and call Dr. Moore's office. Her nurse told me we had to get me to the ER within 15 minutes. Although there was an irritated part of me that felt that was over-the-top and melodramatic, there was a deeper core of me that knew she was right.
The ER was packed with a 5 - 7 hour wait, but thankfully I was triaged through very quickly and receiving full medical attention within about 45 minutes. It felt like it was all moving at lightning speed. I heard the nurses talking about how disregulated my vitals were, and I heard another use that very loaded medical term, SEPSIS. When I first heard it, I thought she was completely off, but if it was moving me through their system faster, let her be off. Sepsis is, simply put, a Hanson killer, as both my dad and sister succumbed to it. I knew I was nowhere near as sick as they had been, yet the word kept sticking to me, as test after test was done. I tested negative for covid, RSV, influenza, pneumonia, pulmonary embolism, UTI, every last thing they tested me for, I was negative. Was I really crashing this badly over just a cold? I mean I know I'm immunocompromised, but it just seemed crazy that I could be this sick this fast over a cold!
When the doctor finally came back to give his assessment, and told Russ and me that, in his opinion, I was in "early sepsis," that scared me as much, if not more, than when I learned I had cancer. Both Russ and I were stopped in our tracks. Man, that is one loaded diagnosis! The doctor explained sepsis is a continuum, that I was not at the septic shock stage that took my dad and sister, that I was in the very earliest stage and because I got to the ER right away, it was already being treated. But it was also being aggravated by my asthma, which by this time was also spiraling out of control, and that I needed to be admitted and would not be going home that night. Needless to say, I followed doctor's orders, telling him I haven't been fighting cancer this hard to be knocked out by sepsis in the dark of the night!
I ended up spending two nights at Methodist and have now spent two nights at home, still recovering from what's feeling like quite a setback, I know I need to stay close to home and tightly focused on staying healthy for these last 4 sessions. On the bright side, however, I'm noticing my chemo side effects are lessening, after only one missed treatment. That makes me hopeful for when this is all behind me, that it won't take long for me to start feeling like my old self again. I might not feel whole right now, but I have got to believe there is a part of me that is still shining, that spark that got me out of bed when it felt impossible to do so, it's a little glow still shining deep within me, even amid all this unrelenting darkness. 🌙
