Interlude

  Yesterday, on November 27th, 2024, I underwent my last infusion, successfully completing 15 months of cancer treatments. I am proud to say that, although I definitely did not want to undergo the regimen Dr Moore laid out to me last year, I did it! I did every last thing she told me to do, and actually still am, as I am on a not-so-fun estrogen inhibitor for the next five years. Tomorrow I get to have my port removed - yay! - and in less than 2 weeks we head off to California to snowbird for the winter. Life is looking a hell of a lot more livable this Thanksgiving than it did last: rejoice! Reflecting on my coining of the term "interlude" when this all began, I'm not so sure it fits as well as I hoped. I feel forever changed by this experience. It's definitely a demarcation point. Yet perhaps it still fits... second acts are never the same as firsts, are they? The best I can do now is to tuck away my three certificates, praying to God they are my last, and remind my...

  Just a quick drop-in, for anyone wondering, to say I'm doing very well! Mild side effects are lingering, but nothing that gets in the way of me enjoying summer, aside from our seemingly constant rainfall. I'm walking the lakes, or something similar, most every day, and feeling good. Yes, I'm here to attest, there is life after surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and everything else my oncologist has thrown and keeps throwing at me. Many thanks to all of you who have been carrying me through and continue to check in on me. Happy to say that I'm still standing, walking, and even smiling! :) In Sunny Interlude, Julie

 I'm very happy to have completed radiation today, earning myself a second certificate! Radiation was pretty breezy....until it wasn't. I started blistering this past week and it's been super painful. As much as I despised chemo, it really wasn't painful. This has been very much so, but should subside within the next 2 -3 weeks. Happy to have at least completed the daily burning stage!  So this leaves me with two major therapies accomplished and two more to go, that I trust will both be a lot easier. I know my herceptin infusions are not bad, as I continue those until November. But in June I need to start endocrine therapy, which lasts for 5 years. This could throw me back into menopausal symptoms, which I am NOT looking forward to, as I left hot flashes in the rear view mirror almost a decade ago! Uff da!  I asked Dr. Moore when I'll know if my surgeries and therapies have worked, and she said not until I've been cancer free for five years. So I've  started...

My newest countdown is radiation, I have completed 3 of 20 so far. For 4 weeks I go 5 times a day and get zapped for about 60 seconds. It's not painful, though my position in the machine is awkward & uncomfortable. But my appointments are 15 minutes tops, and then I go about my day. Side effects are minimal so far, especially compared to chemo, and my chemo symptoms have mellowed out a lot. Still dealing with some fatigue and neuropathy, maybe a little brain fog, but mostly feeling pretty good. My hair is almost looking like a buzz cut, getting close, and I'm hoping within a couple weeks I can start getting by without covering it up all the time. That would really feel like progress!!! I did get out and have some fun between chemo and radiation. Mindy & I spent a few days in Florida. How I loved getting my toes back in that velvety white sugar sand and seeing my pelicans swoop overhead again! And the boys and I had an amazing eclipse trip to Montreal, so deeply grateful...

  Finally starting to feel signs of recovery post-chemo. Although I'm still fighting edema & neuropathy, both are lessening, and I'm experiencing good chunks of my day without my feet vibrating ~ yay! Most of the other side effects have faded away, other than fatigue, which I guess I won't be able to kick until after radiation. I walked Centennial Lakes today and though it wasn't as easy breezy as it should be, it was better than the last few times I tackled it. I'm believing again that I'll get there!  So grateful to be coming up from those dark days of chemo, just in time for spring. We have 3 days in a row this week that are expected to be in the 60's.... high time to shake off the doldrums and just soak in the shine!   In Interlude, Julie

I've been learning the hard way that it takes awhile for your body to realize you're done with chemotherapy. Still dealing with feeling fatigued and very sluggish, especially since extreme edema has set in. Spent the first week post chemo going into Methodist almost every day for tests to make sure I didn't have blood clots or heart failure, all clear, and am now on a diuretic that really isn't doing the trick. My rash is still inflamed and my neuropathy is as bad as ever. Frustrating, when I thought I'd be feeling so much better by now, but as both Dr. Moore and my wonderful acupuncturist Matt have explained to me, chemo is cumulative and my immune system has been suppressed for 13 weeks. Plus I only have the one kidney. It takes time for everything to recalibrate and recover.  Happy to say there have been bright spots aplenty. Brad is here for a visit and it's great to have his support close at hand. I had an amazing birthday with so much love and attention fr...

In Interlude, Julie

  I have spent an inordinate amount of time these past six months in my living room chair. Processing endless information about cancer and what it means to have it and be treated for it, feeling anxious over the changes coming my way, chatting, texting, laughing, crying with family and friends, sitting alone in silence and solitude. I've kept watch as summer ended, fall descended, and the darkness of winter took over my corner, with finally daylight now back on the rise. I've spent sleepless nights sitting here, reading or streaming mindlessly for hours, built this blog here, as I'm typing away on it right now, and have hoped, prayed, and cursed more than a few times from this perch. I've grown impatient over the snail's pace of time, have grappled with the many side effects of chemotherapy, and transformed from the blonde with bangs I've been my whole life, to this bald headed being. Me and my chair. Most solid thing I've got in my world most days. I've...

  Ten chemotherapy treatments behind me...only two more to go. This whole deal has gotten truly gnarly. Despite doing a ton of new things to try to counteract its effects ~ acupuncture, Chinese herbs and detox, green smoothies, qigong, much healthier eating, no alcohol or caffeine, way less sugar, daily rest, staying home to reduce exposures ~ it's feeling like chemo rules all. Nothing is as big as it is. It's just looming over me and sapping all my energy. Life feels very closed in. I thank God above for the warm spell we've been having, and I've been getting outside every single day, but the days are dragging and the world feels like it's at a standstill. I feel sad because I’m missing an important event for Danny this weekend, so that’s bumming me out too. But I just need to hang on for two more weeks. Trying not to project too far ahead, especially since I need to start radiation and continue infusions after chemo is over, but so looking forward to when I can go...

Well, I definitely didn't have facing down another terrifying diagnosis on my new year's resolutions, but here we are still in January, and I guess that's what I've already done. Thankfully, this one is quicker to kick! 🙏  I was unusually run down after my 8th chemo session last week, didn't make it into work last Sunday and didn't feel like I was bouncing back Monday & Tuesday like I usually do. I just attributed it to a rough chemo week, but then I woke up Wednesday morning with the symptoms of a head cold. Dr. Moore ran my labs and it was obvious I was fighting off an infection. She called off chemo, suspected I had covid (which I've never yet had) and told me that if I did, chemo would have to wait 21 days before resuming. I went home despondent and anxiously awaited my covid results. While the afternoon passed by, I started to notice I was feeling worse and worse. I went to lay down on my bed and really felt like there was no way I could get back u...

  January is starting to feel like such a slog, but that's not unusual even under the best conditions. Although I've loved the mildness of this winter, the lack of sunshine is definitely getting to me. It was wonderful to see blue skies yesterday, and I got out for an extra long walk in the crispy sunshine. My stamina is pretty good for flat walking, but even one flight of stairs can leave me feeling breathless. Chemo comes with an array of so many odd side effects: skin rashes, tingly toes, a metallic taste in my mouth that makes it feel like it's bleeding, fuzzy brain cells, iffy stomach, dehydration, an odd mix of fatigue and insomnia (though acupuncture helps a lot), and of course, being bald. I hate being without hair as much as I feared I would. Even with everything else going on, it's definitely my number one chief complaint. I still have my eyelashes though, thinning but not gone. I really hope I hang on to them! 🙏 Through the slog, I'm trying to be "g...

Anyone else a New York Times Spelling Bee enthusiast? The amazing Jenn E (who survived typhus! this year), pointed out that today's date is a palingram , tres cool, and my bout with insomnia last night already has me with a perfect connections score, a solved wordle, and a 🐝 genius by 5:00 am. I do hit 👸🏼 🐝 more often than not these days, with heavy reliance on hinters Steve G & Jenn E, but at a whopping 73 words today, genius may be good enough to cap off this bizarre year.  Indeed, what a year it has been. From New  Year's Day bringing on the tragic death of Jennifer, to New Year's Eve leaving me in the depths of chemotherapy, it's been a chaotic and unpredictable spin around the sun. We faced such stress following Jennifer’s death, endured that brutal winter, I've undergone countless medical interventions, and we had three family members make major moves, with Bev & Tony leaving Minnesota and Danny leaving California ~ all with ripple effects. Danny ...

  Well, it's gone....thank God above for Julie, who went with me to get my head shaved on very short notice yesterday. I felt her power radiating through me the whole time, and even though I was a cry baby about it, she got me through doing what had to be done. In a way I'm glad that step is behind me. I am definitely learning again and again that dreading something is worse than just doing it. Thank you, Jules, for sticking with me through thick, thin, and even bald!! Couldn't do these hard things without you by my side!!  Snapped this pic during my fourth round of chemo today....when I looked at it, I was surprised to see perhaps hope, maybe even acceptance, in my mien. I'm trying hard, I'm trying to live in acceptance, mindful that I'm just another living being making my way in this world, come what may. I'll leave it to Robert Frost to capture my  struggles, and my hopes, today. In Interlude, Julie

I've been through 3 rounds of chemo now, and side effects have started to kick in. My oncologist had me go into the hospital for extra IV fluids yesterday morning to help combat dehydration, and then I tried acupuncture for the first time yesterday afternoon. I had the best night sleep last night that I've had in months. I was shocked that it was actually morning when I looked at the clock! I had no idea what to expect with acupuncture, but it was actually a pretty cool experience. I definitely felt some kind of energy channeling through my body during it, and then felt very calm and relaxed after. This morning I felt groggy and decided I better not go swimming as planned, but overall I feel pretty good. I'm grateful that Dr. Moore seems to always have a ready response for issues that are popping up, nothing fazes her at all, and will definitely keep up with acupuncture as I'm going through chemo. My acupuncturist tells me I'm now tapped into cosmic energy.... I say...

Feeling good this morning, after my 2nd round of chemo yesterday. Just minor symptoms so far, thank God above 🙏, and my hair is still firmly attached to my head. Speaking of hair, I need to shout out Mindy's sacrifice this past weekend, and celebrate six decades of hair alongside this gorgeous redhead!! Just look at her beauty! No matter how many locks, or not, she has framing those amazing cheekbones of hers, she shines!! ☀️                                                                                                                   Before & after on Saturday!!  In Sisterhood & In Interlude, Julie

Interested in what the medical side of a cancer journey is like?  Mine started with a routine mammogram this summer, which disclosed a suspicious area that had to be biopsied. On August 11th, I was diagnosed with noninvasive stage 0 DCiS, a very common diagnosis, and opted for the lightest course of action recommended to me, which was a lumpectomy followed by radiation. I was assigned a cancer navigator, who helps me coordinate all my care. Unfortunately and very surprisingly for me and my medical team, the surgical pathology results from my lumpectomy came back with a serious and rare form of invasive cancer: HER2+ ER+ PR+ Grade 3 micropapillary invasive carcinoma. Suddenly, everyone's demeanor became very serious. I then had an MRI and a second surgery to remove my sentinel lymph nodes, which thankfully came back clear. My tumor was small, 6 mm, and caught very early, so I’m at stage 1A, which is very curable. But my oncologist told me it's possible that it may have spread un...

What does love look like?  Here's how I see it: My lifelong bestie picking me up at 7:23 am (even though she is easily able to sleep in past 10:00) to spend 300 minutes keeping me laughing and totally distracted during my first round of chemo. And insisting on cutting off her hair with me this weekend! Here's how I see it: Members of my devoted boob crew showering me with attention, including poignant prayers and an amazing talisman visit connecting me with my late parents. RMS peeps showing up in PINK on day one of my chemo, even though it definitely isn't everyone's personal favorite! ;) Here's how I see it: My 25 yearlong bestie wrapping up Russ & me in her family holiday traditions for one of our most wonderful Thanksgivings ever. And always encouraging me with her zesty spirit and conviction that we can do hard things ! Here's how I see it: The light of my life fulfilling yet another tongue in cheek "make a wish" with fabulously classy coc...

Never realized what an exercise in patience cancer would turn out to be. From the very start, it's been one continuous series of waiting waiting waiting waiting. It was early evening on Friday, August 11th, when I first saw my diagnosis pop up on my chart online. I didn't understand everything my biopsy results said, but I knew "malignant carcinoma" was not what I wanted to see, and it was an excruciatingly long weekend before I finally heard from my brand new cancer navigator on Monday afternoon. But that really just set the stage for what was to come, as here it is November now, and I'm still always finding myself in waiting. Waiting to schedule procedures and surgeries, waiting for results to come in, waiting to hear about treatment plans, waiting to heal from the latest assault to my body, waiting for the okay to return to the pool, waiting to have pressing questions answered, just endlessly waiting for one thing after the next, I guess it just goes to show my...

Indeed, even cancer has its perks! I find myself filled with gratitude for the way family and friends are rallying around me. It's incredibly humbling, reassuring, and sometimes just plain fun! Here are some of the highlights so far that I will FOREVER treasure: My family closing ranks around me Make-a-wish dreams coming true 😆 My very own boob crew!! "Love you" messages filling up my phone The unstoppable flanking maneuvers of these 2 FIERCE warriors!! Knodel winter survival rescue team! The kindness of strangers In sickness and in health ALL the colorful language 😉 AND SO MUCH PINK!!! 💞💞 Never could have imagined being sustained and sheltered so deeply in a million years.  Please know, everyone stepping up for me now, I will return it to you in multitudes if life takes a turn and you ever find yourself in need.  "I've troubled for you, from time to time. That's why nothing new, can break the bind. It's the time you waste for them, that makes a frie...

When I was first diagnosed, almost anything and everything was making me weepy. Lately, I've been finding myself feeling a little more even keeled, more able to think about things and even talk about them without my eyes welling up. Still, there are a couple touchstones that bring about instant tears, one being the possibility of my big brother losing all 3 of his sisters. That feels cursed, though on the flip side, it does help me to stiffen my resolve to do what I need to do to stick around. On the other hand, when I think about losing my hair, sometimes I almost feel like I'd rather die than go bald. I’ve just always had my identity tied to my hair. I really can’t stand the thought of losing it. Yes, I know it’ll grow back. Yes, I know it’s only hair. Yes, I know I need to channel my brave explorer girl from my last post, yes, yes, yes, I know all that. BUT, there's this intense fear, this deep well of vulnerability, this sense of losing what makes me me, that keeps my ...